Islam v Scientology

We all, quite rightly, take the mickey out of Scientology. Ridicule, after all, has a long and illustrious history as an effective way of highlighting the idiocies (and worse) of individuals and institutions who have abused their positions to inflict mental and physical cruelties on those who are vulnerable. Whether it be Pope, Voltaire, Moliere... or Private Eye - to laugh at a tyrant is to belittle him; to scoff at pomposity is to burst its bubble; to snigger at cults and their members is to help others to guard against their schemes.
That is why the hierarchy of Scientology was so outraged to find the "secrets" of its higher level initiates plastered over the internet. We could now all laugh at the utterly preposterous ideas and beliefs (such as Xenu, a galactic ruler who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs so that the Thetan consciences could then attach themselves to human souls). What poor deluded whackos could believe such stuff, we all asked. And because we scoffed and laughed, the mystery was destroyed and the "Church" of Scientology has begun to lose members.

But Islam is far removed from such patently ridiculous cults, I hear you say. Well, yes...and no.
Yesterday I asked readers to consider reward and punishment in Islam. A few responded by focusing on one particular aspect of the Paradise Allah has supposedly prepared for us - the famous Houris or virgins. I mentioned in passing that these lovely ladies would in fact, according to Islamic belief, be 80 foot tall and have  transparent legs so that you can see the marrow in their bones. I should also have mentioned, for the sake of completeness, that they would be 10 foot wide and be hairless apart from their eyebrows and their head - for this is what the Islamic texts (hadith) that all Sunni (the majority, mainstream) Muslims must believe, say
Let me just reiterate that. 
If you are a Muslim you must believe that when you go to Heaven you will be rewarded by endlessly bonking 80 foot hairless virgins with hollow legs.
Is this any less whacko than Xenu, the galactic ruler? 

Post Script:
Should any Muslim dispute the fact that they MUST believe the sahih (reliable) hadith (such as the Muslim in the comment section below) I reproduce  an answer from the Turn To Islam forum

Yes you HAVE to believe in Hadith. It is ludicrous to believe otherwise. How would you pray, do Hajj, break fast in Ramadan and so many other things if you did not believe in Hadith? How would you say the Shahadah, in which you proclaim Muhammad :saw: the Messenger of Allah, yet then deny his teachings? :astag: 
The Qur'aan it its unadultered and perfected form tells us to follow the Messenger of Allah :saw: 
Say: "Obey Allah and obey the Messenger, but if you turn away, he (Messenger Muhammad saaws) is only responsible for the duty placed on him (i.e. to convey Allah's Message) and you for that placed on you. If you obey him, you shall be on the right guidance. The Messenger's duty is only to convey (the message) in a clear way (i.e. to preach in a plain way)."

“So take what the Messenger assigns to you and deny yourselves that which he withholds from you.” (Qur’ân 59:7)

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“By the star when it goes down (or vanishes).
Your companion (Muhammad) has neither gone astray nor has erred.
Nor does he speak of (his own) desire.
It is only a Revelation revealed.
He has been taught (this Qur’aan) by one mighty in power [Jibreel (Gabriel)].
One free from any defect in body and mind then he (Jibreel — Gabriel in his real shape as created by Allaah) rose and became stable”
[al-Najm 53:1-6]

Allaah has commanded the people to obey His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He has enjoined this in many verses of the Qur’aan, of which we will quote some. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Say (O Muhammad): “Obey Allaah and the Messenger (Muhammad).” But if they turn away, then Allaah does not like the disbelievers”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:32] 

“He who obeys the Messenger (Muhammad), has indeed obeyed Allaah, but he who turns away, then we have not sent you (O Muhammad) as a watcher over them”
[al-Nisa’ 4:80]

“O you who believe! Obey Allaah and obey the Messenger (Muhammad), and those of you (Muslims) who are in authority. (And) if you differ in anything amongst yourselves, refer it to Allaah and His Messenger, if you believe in Allaah and in the Last Day. That is better and more suitable for final determination”
[al-Nisa’ 4:59] 

“And perform As Salaah (Iqaamat as-Salaah), and give Zakaah and obey the Messenger (Muhammad) that you may receive mercy (from Allaah)”
[al-Noor 24:56]

Allaah warns against rejecting the word of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning):

“… And let those who oppose the Messenger’s commandment (i.e., his Sunnah) (among the sects) beware, lest some fitnah (disbelief, trials, afflictions, etc.) befall them or a painful torment be inflicted on them.” [al-Noor 24:63]

Therefore, in order to follow the Quran you HAVE to follow and believe in the Hadith!
Here are some links which may further clarify this issue:

Summary and Refutation of Hadith Rejectors claims
What Are the Quran And Sunnah? Why Do Muslims Have To Follow This? (

Important: The Science of Hadith, What Are Hadith? (